Winds of Change

Roles and routines have changed; Targets and ambitions have been revised; Material world and mortal people have changed; It has been a month and day since I passed out of this second heaven on earth - IIT Kanpur. Out here in the corporate jungle, more than finding your own way out, you see that each one is bent upon getting the better of one another. Competition is always welcome, but the kind of competition in college, amidst some odd incidents, I witnessed fair play, innocence and a friendly exchange of wits and beats too at times. Here, it is anything but that. Beg, borrow, steal, do anything to be on top of the pack. The outcome of competition here can have a massive impact, positive or negative.

Let me rewind back to June 2007. I was desperate to get into some B-school, despite being in a easy-to-manage-load kind of work, despite having got some real gems as friends. I even felt awkward making some of them cry on my sojourn to academia. Before coming back to present where now I feel like being at the receiving end, I will want to bridge this time period with my memories in IITK. Flowers, stretches of greenery, common people who though were financially poor were rich in heart. All in retrospect, me only got nightmares about deadly roads when going to report for first day.

I went into this place, Kanpur 1994 km away from my dear hometown. I was very wary of company lying in wait for me there. Somehow I was circumspect with people above Vindhyas. I decided to stay away from company initially and be in touch with all my dear friends back home through phone or chat. It took a couple of Biharis to get me to talk into joining their group for academic reasons. Honest first reaction, I was wondering "With whom have I made an alliance?". Over time, I came to know that these guys who befriended me were not really what they were being labelled as. I found I shared common traits with them like being passionate in whatever they do. That passion doesn't look genuine till you stand for something, take a stance. Though it made them emotionally explosive at times, I took that anger to be a stamp of character(In my mother tongue, there is a saying where there is anger, there is character). The common threading got us real close. Going to classes, movies just night before exams, jogging in front of Girls' hostel, tennis courts, singing together in IME night, late night canteen, gen bakar, Antaragni bravado, live shows, Auli, tales of everyone's nose cuts and failed Romeo attempts, serious fights on placements, eat-outs, pulling legs of class girls and some extra ordinary guys, working together for Consilium, DC++, I can go on and on, bottom line is "MISS YOU GUYS". I also had a fairly comfortable routine unlike typical B-school wherein I could use my spare time constructively like in internet (FYI, IITK alone consumes 3% of Country's Internet bandwidth I read). So who will let this luxury pass? Youtube, orkut and gchat kept me busy between classes or rather classes kept me busy between these ;). I should also say special thanks to couple of my close but long distance friends who were there with me through my happiness and sorrow, all through this wonderful journey in Kanpur.

We were from different regions, religion, caste, age groups, family background and still managed to find a common platform wherein all our differences went away on leave. So many guys had worked in higher roles before coming here. Still their egos never got the better of them. Despite bitter fights, at the end of the day they counted to nothing and didn't transform to grudges (exceptions may be there though). Contrast this with this new life in an AC cubicle (minus all sort of physical activity of course). Your own relative or best friend may turn out to be your folly. Stakes are high and real here. What if in a cock fight, the owner of the defeated cock has to be beheaded? Silly game turns serious, right? That's how it is. I can't help but think that it has only gotten worse after my 2 year sabbatical. When I was upset with this "win-at-all-costs" system, I had some solace that I could get back to academic life and find some peace. There is no such alternative anymore (er, no PhD for me please :)).There is no room for unadulterated affection in the world am in now. There is no room for me to turn my back on this world and move somewhere else now. I HAVE to adapt. I NEED to come to terms with the fact that everything is manufactured here; smile, a nice idea for pretty girls coming late to office to please their angry bosses, put 'maska' to get promoted (gender neutral idea, u see ;)). Exceptions can be there. Your best friend in Engineering may get bit by the corporate way of doing things and may seem like having transformed from 'merciful angel' to 'mercenary'. A pre-conceived 'bad colleague' in office may turn out to be your port of call in case of danger. In fact I was fortunate to find some really fortunate exceptions in my last job before IITK beckoned.

In my UG too, I had lots of friends who went separate ways after college. However, those incidents never really impacted me as I was used to getting on and off with people and was moving around like nomad due to my dad's transferable job. I've seen UG friends rise above me faster in career ladder, earn 10 times more than me, settle abroad, succeed in their love, get married to a nice life partner. The first wave of transformation in my network's social and professional roles hardly had an impact on me as I marched on mindlessly and endlessly trying to know some place in corporate jungle where I belonged at that time.

Present day, after 2 years and back to corporate life, I would say I'm better prepared to take up the challenges corporate life may throw at me. After all, I should make world believe that I have some take aways from my business administration degree, right?

There are two sides to a coin; On the one hand, these well wishing friends I talked about earlier made me feel great about myself and I also got used to the new role of working really seriously for wellness of others. Historically, I was this self centered person with a mind-your-business approach. The other side of coin was it made me vulnerable emotionally due to my bondage with these friends. I used to be arrogantly proud of my emotional numbness. Professionally, I may have come better equipped. Personal level, am still in the process of applying the same learnings to make me insulated emotionally. However, I have not been successful at it so far. Sometimes, I feel like standing alone on an isolated Island; you have only your shadow for company. I see a role reversal to the one I mentioned earlier in 2007 now. I'm very concerned about my ability to withstand this second wave of transformation. Winds of change have been blowing around me all through my life. It feels like I've managed to hold firm for this long without much damage. But am viewing the upcoming one with trepidation and am carefully preparing myself for more sweeping changes which may come along.