Saturday, December 6, 2008

Butterfly effect and Eligibility Criteria

When my close friend wrote a post on Chaos theory and its implementation in Dasavatharam, I thought such a complicated screenplay is needed to make people understand that it sounds impossible to visualize the phenomenon at work in the real world. However, the past few months have shown adequate proof of things that no one could have imagined of. What started as a collapse of an investment bank has seen bailout packages of the order whose zeroes I can't count.The biggest company in the beginning of 20th century, GM is waiting for bailout while its CEO will get a salary of $1 from January.The snowballing effects has seen so many banks from across the globe being sucked into this blackhole.

The fortunes of other currencies have been tied to dollar since World war-II after which all business transactions have been routed with dollar as the trading currency. With so many financial institutions having fallen prey to the fancied financial instruments MBAs like me had designed,this inter twining of world financial institutions' fate with that of U.S. economy had only gotten stronger with this agreement.Sadly, the world didn't bother to notice amidst the euphoria of globalization. This entanglement has served as a perfect platform for a live demo (demonstration cum demolition) of chaos theory and butterfly effect.

Amidst all the sectors such as automotive and technology and IT service firms suffering indirectly due to credit crunch and drying up of offshore projects, this crisis has managed to pull down oil prices from $100 a barrel to $44 a barrel. Something to be proud of, maybe. No say the oil companies, whose numbers have taken a real hit. How true, it is impossible to satisfy all sections of the society. Another interesting bit, Knut, the rare baby polar bear born in Berlin Zoo turns two and needs a larger enclosure to release its adolescent hormones and grow well. However, the crisis has meant unavailability of funds for the project. Knut may be offloaded to another zoo by 2010. Not fair to cute little Knut, which had brought in revenues of 10 million Euros so far.



I guess I've taken off tangentially from what I really want to talk about. The financial meltdown has had its effects on many of us, am sure. But, I'm not a commoner, sort to speak of since I'm a student right now. However, I feel it puts me in a better position to know the market signals early due to being constantly in touch with potential recruiters. Some head honchos say things will not improve for the next four years which also happens to coincide with Obama's tenure. Given Obama's stance on outsourcing, does this ring any bells about which sector I'm talking about? Companies are cutting down on growth projections in decreasing arithmetic progression also shows that things don't look that encouraging. More than signals, I would like to bring forth the fact that when things go helter-skelter everything that companies boast of goes for a toss. As part of strategy, am sure companies have a mission, vision and some ethical code of functioning. And being a student, my focus would obviously be on recruitment stance of these celebrated brands.

"Powered by opportunism, Driven by blood-sucking-vampires-in-disguise aka managers"

Companies which had been maintaining relations with our college ever since our inception ditch us and don't even bother to send an apology mail expressing their situation. They have fallen victim to greed as they feel they maybe able to get even apparently better students from top b-schools, where they usually used to get poor treatment, at cheaper prices. Sure, they must be feeling like a kid in candy shop now...Having been part of this BSE star performer and finding the internal modus operandi being completely opposite to what its mentor used to proclaim in the popular press about having a healthy work-life balance, I'd been holding some dissatisfaction about this company. This has only reopened the old wounds.Maybe I'm trying to lend some cognizance to my belief that "be whatever you want to be, but don't act a hypocrite and act like some thing you are not to the outside world". My mind though says it's how corporations have been since time immemorial.

Experience uncertainty

Another pioneer company in IT space says, it will consider people with work experience for selection and offer them suitable hike. But then, it never shortlists any, including those with rich experience in IT. Having work experience is a sin in B-schools this year. Mantra is "Be a fresher, don't bother about anything, if you have just managed to clear 40% in class XII, we would pick you". However, this company's recruitment automated system rejected the candidature since the student didn't satisfy the 60% cut off in class XII. Either the HR has not found his bearings still or the company has recruited someone who has escaped from a mental asylum. I don't see any logic in shortlisting a guy who the computer is subsequently is going to reject.

Celebrating "No work"

The company known for its "graveyard shift" played its cards cleverly saying its sister concern's HR would handle while the sister concern's HR pointed at the parent company's direction. People familiar with DBMS would easily correlate this with the concept of "deadlock". Both will ultimately fail to make a progressive move. Am suggesting strategies for HR to dodge candidates here, ain't I?

Application of thought - Ingenuity

A company hired engineers for coding then halved salaries and sent them to BPOs. Then post strikes by engineers, magnanimously decided to offer full salary and work in BPOs.This is one company which has strong value system, you see...

Volte face in 3 hours

A core industry company, promising to "Build a new India", that had sent in writing that they would recruit us did a U-turn in 3 hours with HR saying "That was a mistake, we aren't coming". Maybe this HR and the one who contradicted his company's automated system were dorm mates in the same asylum. I'm sure the company's annual report reads something like "committed to values, blah blah". Some core companies say they don't have money, really pitiable paupers they have become overnight.

Criteria that cannot be met

Another company wants candidates who have 2 or more years of experience and have worked in Mergers and Acquisitions. To understand A-Z of M&A and get involved in it would take minimum two years in a work atmosphere and we can safely assume only top investment banks or top business houses would involve in such deals. Why would such guys leave their comfy jobs at these top brands to do MBA if they already know the ins and outs of M&A? It's as good as company saying "We won't take you"

Companies which said in 2007 "only people with 2 or more years of experience may apply" says in 2008 "people with work ex to a maximum of 24 months may apply".

Seeing all the weird reasons and cock-and-bull stories companies are making up, I've decided to go entrepreneur way. I'm going to float my company called "Mannar Infotech". Funded by venture capitalist firms, Mannar would be opening offices in 6 metros in India. We would also open a small office in Dubai near Dubai bus stand. Strongly committed to bringing the best minds to serve supreme solutions and in delighting our customers every single time, we would not be compromising on our recruitment policy. If you satisfy the following criteria, please write in to us:

1) Should have done school education from Hogwarts as we need people who can weave magic with their fingers.
2) UG any degree (should not have more than 60% and should have minimum one arrear) as we believe failure is stepping stone to success and only such people will understand the value of success.
3) Should have a minimum break of one year after 12th as we believe ability to destress is a vital qualification to succeed in our company.
4) Should have served as CEO or CFO in a company for two years before MBA, we need people who have demonstrated leadership ability and all round personality. And of course, the person should have worked in a minimum of 4 M&A deals.
5) He must have worked in Timbuktoo or Xanadu as we value exposure to abroad and exotic locations highly.
6) Age should be under 23. No relaxation of this rule at any cost.
7) Candidates having knowledge of languages such as Swahili,Telerin,Doriathrin/Ilkorin, and Nandorin will get preference.

2 comments:

Unknown said...

nice one! very true........
Is there option of any one for Mannar Infotech?
coz I am feeling very lucky as I have satisfied one criteria.....I will be definately in 0.01% of the total sample population with that....

Marauder said...

Sorry age criteria cannot be relaxed, We need to get clearance from venture capitalists to even consider your candidature :D